She Retreats
I have to go away for a while
Somewhere where the world can’t get in
Where the only noise I hear is that of the wind blowing and the birds singing
Where the warm air touches my bare skin as I reconvene with all that I am
Where my feet bury into the moist wet earth before drying in the sun
I will wait until the cracks appear and watch as the dirt falls piece by piece
And then patiently wait for the dust to settle
I know that one day I will return to dust
But for now I am alive and I have work to do
I am not afraid of this
But I have to go away in order to truly live whilst I walk this earthly plane
As I wait I will watch from my sacred space
I will watch as the boughs of the trees surrounding me begin to dance with the beat of my heart
I will pluck long and luscious blades of grass and put them between my teeth so that I am conscious of the tension that has invaded my body
I will make daisy chains to offer as a sacrifice in exchange for my freedom
Freedom from the trauma, the pain and the suffering
Freedom from the fear that lingers in every primal cell of my humanity
Freedom to share yet another story of survival, of hope, of recovery and resilience
I cannot talk yet
I am mute
I am conscious of my instability
It is in my body but it does not define me
It is primal and is there to keep me safe
I recognise the symptoms now
That is why I had to go away
For in this body of mine there are memories
Stored from the wisdom of a thousand years
Topped up with the reality that is my life
I honour myself enough to walk the middle line between primal self and spirit
A practical alchemist of infinite possibilities
All that I know and can control is what it is
All that I do not know and cannot control is waiting to be discovered
I can only do that which falls into my moment
My present moment
And in this moment I must retreat
Regain
Reflect
Recuperate
Again and again I shall be reborn
I trust that as I do what I need to do
I shall renew my spirit
As my human body ages
My purpose renews
Again and again
I will honour my purpose
For my purpose is my path
My path to freedom
My path to live
My path from where I share my gifts
My path in the mystery of life
Will you notice my absence?
I do not know
I have no attachment to that
For now I need to heal
Healing that which is out of kilter
Acknowledging the tingles of terror
The position of the pain
How this latest story has played its part in my existence
The wind whips my hair
My physical presence becomes one with nature
I tiptoe through the challenge of this brand new precipice
Seeking wisdom in the solace and truth in the unfolding mystery
It does not matter how many times I have to go away
How many stories I have to be a part of
Whether I take the lead role or watch from the behind the scenes
On the stage of life the role I play is between me and the Gods
I trust that I will learn
For I take the time
To understand
To grow
To learn
To heal
Again and again
How long do I need?
Time has no relativity to my purpose
When I reflect I see that for some a lifetime can pass in an instant
For others my part in their story is over
As long as I rest until ready
And move again when I am rested
As I grow stronger
As my ether mingles with the infinite intelligence
I feel an invisible cord lift my soul
Making my spine straighter
My thoughts clearer
My energy increases
And I am healed
I will know when I can return to you
The rain will start to cleanse every atom
And the fire will start to burn in my heart
The cracks will be filled with gold
And the beauty will be revealed
In my eyes
In my spirit
In my world
For I am a warrior
A peaceful warrior
Confident that I will survive
As long as I need to
In order to share
Hope, freedom, kindness and compassion
As an elixir
From a place of humility
With as much grace as I can fill up with
With as much courage as I need to make mistakes
With as much confidence as I can muster to lead the way
If there is a God
I am doing the work
If there is no God
I am doing the work
As best I can
In this moment
I rest
I heal
I grow
I will never give up
For I have a light to shine
A light to share with the world
Whilst I am here
I will return
If these words have stirred something ready to move, She Is Powerful — the Empowerment collection on The Path — may be your next step. Written for women who are done playing small.
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